Nine years ago when my husband and I brought our first
beautiful baby into this world I had never planned on being a stay at home mom,
and I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. Growing up I knew one day I would
have children but unlike my other girlfriends I wasn’t too eager about it. They
loved baby sitting, and holding other peoples babies and I just didn’t get it. I thought, yeah, some babies are
cute. But they come with more cons than pros, they smell funny, throw up at
random times and the whole pooping themselves… what is that all about? Gross.
You can’t do much with a baby either and they are the most selfish things on this
earth. Well, this is what my teenage self thought. Yeah, I was totally going to
put off baby making until my motherly hormones could not be contained any
longer.
beautiful baby into this world I had never planned on being a stay at home mom,
and I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. Growing up I knew one day I would
have children but unlike my other girlfriends I wasn’t too eager about it. They
loved baby sitting, and holding other peoples babies and I just didn’t get it. I thought, yeah, some babies are
cute. But they come with more cons than pros, they smell funny, throw up at
random times and the whole pooping themselves… what is that all about? Gross.
You can’t do much with a baby either and they are the most selfish things on this
earth. Well, this is what my teenage self thought. Yeah, I was totally going to
put off baby making until my motherly hormones could not be contained any
longer.
When my beautiful son was only about four weeks old I was
eager to slowly get back to work by doing part time night shifts here and
there. Not because I didn’t love spending all that time at home with my new son
or because I needed to get out of the house it was because I feared that if I
didn’t get right back to work I would loose part of myself.
eager to slowly get back to work by doing part time night shifts here and
there. Not because I didn’t love spending all that time at home with my new son
or because I needed to get out of the house it was because I feared that if I
didn’t get right back to work I would loose part of myself.
I had always pitied
stay at home moms, like they were little more than slaves for the other people
in their home. That their brains were going to waste. What was the point of all
that education? Weren’t they lonely? How could they stand cleaning up after everyone’s
lazy self’s and be expected to do it as a job? What a terrible job! I wanted to
be an artist, a world traveler, a great thinker, a change the world kind of
girl. I hated dishes and laundry and didn’t care for cooking much as well. That
was not going to be me.
stay at home moms, like they were little more than slaves for the other people
in their home. That their brains were going to waste. What was the point of all
that education? Weren’t they lonely? How could they stand cleaning up after everyone’s
lazy self’s and be expected to do it as a job? What a terrible job! I wanted to
be an artist, a world traveler, a great thinker, a change the world kind of
girl. I hated dishes and laundry and didn’t care for cooking much as well. That
was not going to be me.
So why in the world would I even have a kid… well I am a
girl after all. After finding the love of my life at only 19 and getting
married, domestic life was growing on me. I had found someone who wanted and
agreed to be partners in this life together. We had agreed to share all rolls
and responsibilities, 50/50 all the way. Love and time changes you and when you
find someone who loves you so much and you love them in return, you naturally
want to serve them. I started to learn to cook as my husband did as well. We
learned our new domestic talents together. He turned out to prefer to do the
laundry (mostly because he thought I folded weird.) I turned out to like to do
the cooking (mostly because he only wanted to eat meat and cheese). So after about three years we thought how
lovely it would be to share our life and love with a baby. Even with all my
anxiety and misgivings I was excited about the idea, and surely with my loving
husband by my side we could handle anything. So that was that. Fast forward
nine months later, there I was with my wonderful husband and our new baby and
still getting to go to work. I had everything just the way I thought I wanted. My
husband and I worked different shifts so that one of us always got to be with
our son and sometimes my work even let me bring him in. It was all working out
marvelously until heavenly father decided to throw us a curve ball. When my son
was only five months old I found out I was pregnant with number two… In fact I
was two month pregnant! I tried to keep working part time and take care of a
new baby while pregnant and it just wasn’t going. I was so tired and sick all
the time. Something had to give.
girl after all. After finding the love of my life at only 19 and getting
married, domestic life was growing on me. I had found someone who wanted and
agreed to be partners in this life together. We had agreed to share all rolls
and responsibilities, 50/50 all the way. Love and time changes you and when you
find someone who loves you so much and you love them in return, you naturally
want to serve them. I started to learn to cook as my husband did as well. We
learned our new domestic talents together. He turned out to prefer to do the
laundry (mostly because he thought I folded weird.) I turned out to like to do
the cooking (mostly because he only wanted to eat meat and cheese). So after about three years we thought how
lovely it would be to share our life and love with a baby. Even with all my
anxiety and misgivings I was excited about the idea, and surely with my loving
husband by my side we could handle anything. So that was that. Fast forward
nine months later, there I was with my wonderful husband and our new baby and
still getting to go to work. I had everything just the way I thought I wanted. My
husband and I worked different shifts so that one of us always got to be with
our son and sometimes my work even let me bring him in. It was all working out
marvelously until heavenly father decided to throw us a curve ball. When my son
was only five months old I found out I was pregnant with number two… In fact I
was two month pregnant! I tried to keep working part time and take care of a
new baby while pregnant and it just wasn’t going. I was so tired and sick all
the time. Something had to give.
I wish I could claim that I had one of these enlightened moments where I just decided I was going to be a stay at home mom no matter
what because that was my true calling in life and that is what my children
needed. But I’m not that lady. I became a stay at home mom because we ran out
of options. I didn’t really have a choice. We lived in a town that was so small
that the nearest day care center was over an hour away. Plus It would cost more
to pay for child care than what I would make. Plus even though I always wanted
to be a working mom I never wanted someone else raising my kids or being the
majority of their care taker. That was mine and my husbands job. We were never
going to have kids for someone else to take care of them. For me, that wouldn’t
have been okay. Plus, even If I wanted to get someone to watch my babies so I
could work everyone we knew worked. Even the grandmas had full time jobs. That’s
just how it is in a small town where there are not much jobs especially ones
that pay decent. So I had to quit my part time job and be a full time mom. And
for the first while I resented it. I loved spending all that time with my son
but I didn’t feel like it was fair. I felt like this is not what I agreed to
when I said “I do”. I am not this kind of girl. I am going to waste away in
this house. But I figured that this was my situation and I just needed to deal
with it. I made the mistake of thinking I could talk to other women about my
frustration’s and I got comments like “You know how many women wish they could
be stay at home moms?!” Comments like that didn’t change how I felt they just
made me feel like an ungrateful freak, and that I needed to hide what I was
going through better. After my second son was born (shortly after I quit work)
I decided If I was going to be a domestic engineer I was going to do it right!
“Grow where you are planted!” and all that. So I started cooking and baking, oh
my! Baking, now that’s really wild! Trying new recipes, cooking without
recipes, house cleaning all sorts of stuff. I even tried my hand at laundry to my
husbands horror. It also occurred to me “good stay at home moms sew and make
homemade bread!” So I took that challenge on as well! So why is it that months
and months later after I had embraced my new roll with enthusiasm and hard work
that I was more miserable than ever? Was it because out of the 10 times I tried
to make cinnamon rolls everyone of them were completely uneatable and hard as
bricks, or that when I tried to make my sons quilts I would always end up
crying over my new sewing machine because the stupid bobbin always ratted up on
me? No actually. It wasn’t the failure of trying something over and over again
that was getting to me. I’m a very creative person and love the act of creating
no matter how terrible the outcome. The bliss comes from the creating. It
wasn’t until I came across a talk given by a lady I admired, Julie Beck, where
she talked about a woman’s talents, that things changed for me. She talked
about how our heavenly father didn’t make us the same and doesn’t want us to be
the same. He gave us different talents for a reason and that we should embrace
them and let them shine. That we shouldn’t compare ourselves to other women and
try to be something we are not because we we’ll never find happiness and peace
that way. And it just dawned on me that this
is the same for Motherhood! So I got the idea to challenge myself to write down
all the things I love and enjoy about motherhood. And I was surprised to find
out that the list was actually quite long. The things I enjoyed about
motherhood were just being overshadowed because I was focusing on all the
things I was doing wrong and on not measuring up to. I was so focused on the negatives I couldn’t
see what I was doing right. Then I decided to challenge myself. For one whole
week I would only focus on and do those things on the list. Now I know this
sounds a bit dramatic, and I really questioned if I could just let everything
else I hated just go for a whole week. But I needed to do something drastic, I
was so miserable and resentful to my beautiful family and I didn’t want to be
that person anymore. They deserved so much better. So I did it! I really did it! For one whole
week I didn’t try and make bread again, or sew, or do laundry, or even much
cleaning. Instead, I sang songs to my boys, took them to the park and on walks,
and played down on the ground with them. I still did the cooking, which I
actually thought was fun. And some day I
cuddled on the couch and just watched TV with my babies in my arms and made
myself not feel guilty about it. And you know what happened? I fell in love
with motherhood! This was my motherhood. And at the end of the week I
didn’t feel resentful when I cleaned up the horror that was my house. It was
easier to serve the people in my home when I wasn’t fighting myself. This
little experiment helped me to let go of all those unreasonable expectations we
women put on ourselves working or not. And as the months and years went on and the
more I embraced my own unique motherhood and motherly talents the more talents
I found I had. I turned out to love and be good at teaching my boys new things.
I loved helping them to explore and learn. Teaching them the animal sounds was
so fun and rewarding. It turns out I’m a fun mom. I love taking them on little
adventures whether to the park, building huts or going on little hikes. And I continued
to explore my love for arts and crafts and taught my boys to color and paint
for the first time, make pine cone bird feeders with peanut butter! And I also
decided I should pack up my sewing machine. Not that I was giving up on it but
It wasn’t necessary and for now it was just getting in the way of other stuff I
was needing to embrace and focus on. Maybe I’ll try my hand at sewing and bread
again someday but really, I just hate it and that’s okay! In so many ways
learning to be my own kind of mom set me free and helped me have more love to
give. There is more than one way to be a good mom. Since I had that revelation
almost eight years ago I have never felt like I have lost a piece of myself, in
fact just the opposite. Being a full time mom has given me so many opportunities
to edify myself. I am a better artist because of being a stay at home mom, what’s
more fun and inspiring than painting pictures with my kids. And as for
traveling… we travel! Not only do we travel but we get to show our kids these
places for the first time as well. Traveling is so much richer with them. Some
of the best most amazing experiences in my life has been because of my
beautiful family that I’ve created for myself. And as far as being a change-the-world kind of
gal. I change the world not only for my
children and my husband but for myself almost every day!
what because that was my true calling in life and that is what my children
needed. But I’m not that lady. I became a stay at home mom because we ran out
of options. I didn’t really have a choice. We lived in a town that was so small
that the nearest day care center was over an hour away. Plus It would cost more
to pay for child care than what I would make. Plus even though I always wanted
to be a working mom I never wanted someone else raising my kids or being the
majority of their care taker. That was mine and my husbands job. We were never
going to have kids for someone else to take care of them. For me, that wouldn’t
have been okay. Plus, even If I wanted to get someone to watch my babies so I
could work everyone we knew worked. Even the grandmas had full time jobs. That’s
just how it is in a small town where there are not much jobs especially ones
that pay decent. So I had to quit my part time job and be a full time mom. And
for the first while I resented it. I loved spending all that time with my son
but I didn’t feel like it was fair. I felt like this is not what I agreed to
when I said “I do”. I am not this kind of girl. I am going to waste away in
this house. But I figured that this was my situation and I just needed to deal
with it. I made the mistake of thinking I could talk to other women about my
frustration’s and I got comments like “You know how many women wish they could
be stay at home moms?!” Comments like that didn’t change how I felt they just
made me feel like an ungrateful freak, and that I needed to hide what I was
going through better. After my second son was born (shortly after I quit work)
I decided If I was going to be a domestic engineer I was going to do it right!
“Grow where you are planted!” and all that. So I started cooking and baking, oh
my! Baking, now that’s really wild! Trying new recipes, cooking without
recipes, house cleaning all sorts of stuff. I even tried my hand at laundry to my
husbands horror. It also occurred to me “good stay at home moms sew and make
homemade bread!” So I took that challenge on as well! So why is it that months
and months later after I had embraced my new roll with enthusiasm and hard work
that I was more miserable than ever? Was it because out of the 10 times I tried
to make cinnamon rolls everyone of them were completely uneatable and hard as
bricks, or that when I tried to make my sons quilts I would always end up
crying over my new sewing machine because the stupid bobbin always ratted up on
me? No actually. It wasn’t the failure of trying something over and over again
that was getting to me. I’m a very creative person and love the act of creating
no matter how terrible the outcome. The bliss comes from the creating. It
wasn’t until I came across a talk given by a lady I admired, Julie Beck, where
she talked about a woman’s talents, that things changed for me. She talked
about how our heavenly father didn’t make us the same and doesn’t want us to be
the same. He gave us different talents for a reason and that we should embrace
them and let them shine. That we shouldn’t compare ourselves to other women and
try to be something we are not because we we’ll never find happiness and peace
that way. And it just dawned on me that this
is the same for Motherhood! So I got the idea to challenge myself to write down
all the things I love and enjoy about motherhood. And I was surprised to find
out that the list was actually quite long. The things I enjoyed about
motherhood were just being overshadowed because I was focusing on all the
things I was doing wrong and on not measuring up to. I was so focused on the negatives I couldn’t
see what I was doing right. Then I decided to challenge myself. For one whole
week I would only focus on and do those things on the list. Now I know this
sounds a bit dramatic, and I really questioned if I could just let everything
else I hated just go for a whole week. But I needed to do something drastic, I
was so miserable and resentful to my beautiful family and I didn’t want to be
that person anymore. They deserved so much better. So I did it! I really did it! For one whole
week I didn’t try and make bread again, or sew, or do laundry, or even much
cleaning. Instead, I sang songs to my boys, took them to the park and on walks,
and played down on the ground with them. I still did the cooking, which I
actually thought was fun. And some day I
cuddled on the couch and just watched TV with my babies in my arms and made
myself not feel guilty about it. And you know what happened? I fell in love
with motherhood! This was my motherhood. And at the end of the week I
didn’t feel resentful when I cleaned up the horror that was my house. It was
easier to serve the people in my home when I wasn’t fighting myself. This
little experiment helped me to let go of all those unreasonable expectations we
women put on ourselves working or not. And as the months and years went on and the
more I embraced my own unique motherhood and motherly talents the more talents
I found I had. I turned out to love and be good at teaching my boys new things.
I loved helping them to explore and learn. Teaching them the animal sounds was
so fun and rewarding. It turns out I’m a fun mom. I love taking them on little
adventures whether to the park, building huts or going on little hikes. And I continued
to explore my love for arts and crafts and taught my boys to color and paint
for the first time, make pine cone bird feeders with peanut butter! And I also
decided I should pack up my sewing machine. Not that I was giving up on it but
It wasn’t necessary and for now it was just getting in the way of other stuff I
was needing to embrace and focus on. Maybe I’ll try my hand at sewing and bread
again someday but really, I just hate it and that’s okay! In so many ways
learning to be my own kind of mom set me free and helped me have more love to
give. There is more than one way to be a good mom. Since I had that revelation
almost eight years ago I have never felt like I have lost a piece of myself, in
fact just the opposite. Being a full time mom has given me so many opportunities
to edify myself. I am a better artist because of being a stay at home mom, what’s
more fun and inspiring than painting pictures with my kids. And as for
traveling… we travel! Not only do we travel but we get to show our kids these
places for the first time as well. Traveling is so much richer with them. Some
of the best most amazing experiences in my life has been because of my
beautiful family that I’ve created for myself. And as far as being a change-the-world kind of
gal. I change the world not only for my
children and my husband but for myself almost every day!
In todays
time I think its scary for women to think about being stay at home moms. I know
it was for me. I heard it so many times when women find out that I am a stay at
home mom, They feel like they just don’t know what they would do with
themselves all day, that they would go crazy or they are just not that kind of woman. I was them. Some people even call those women selfish and all
they can do is think about themselves. But I know that it is not that. We are
afraid. In our minds how can we possibly ever measure up to the expectations of
what a mother “should be.” It is an impossible challenge. That is why I am so
passionate that we need to get the message out there to other women and our
daughters, that we each have beautiful motherly qualities that are very
different from each other and we need to embrace them and stop trying to be the
kind of mother we are not. This would change so many mothers and future mothers
lives, working or not.
time I think its scary for women to think about being stay at home moms. I know
it was for me. I heard it so many times when women find out that I am a stay at
home mom, They feel like they just don’t know what they would do with
themselves all day, that they would go crazy or they are just not that kind of woman. I was them. Some people even call those women selfish and all
they can do is think about themselves. But I know that it is not that. We are
afraid. In our minds how can we possibly ever measure up to the expectations of
what a mother “should be.” It is an impossible challenge. That is why I am so
passionate that we need to get the message out there to other women and our
daughters, that we each have beautiful motherly qualities that are very
different from each other and we need to embrace them and stop trying to be the
kind of mother we are not. This would change so many mothers and future mothers
lives, working or not.
I also want to say I know that some women have to work, and
that they love their work and sometimes the Dads are stay at home dads. I’m not
saying any of those are wrong. If it works for your family go for it. But I’m
talking to the women who are afraid of embracing motherhood in any form. Or
have the wrong ideas of what it means to be a full time mom. If you are a
working mom, it’s got to be even more difficult. So don’t spend your time when
you are with your kids doing stuff you hate… write down the stuff you love and
enjoy and spend that special time doing that. If getting crafty and glue all
over the place is not your idea of a good time with your kids find something
that is. If you like sewing or baking… do that with your kids. If you just have
to have a clean house make it a game with your kids! If your strength is being a good listener, make sure you are doing that regularly. What ever your needs from
motherhood love it, embrace it and have fun with it. The other things that you
“have to do” will come a lot easier if you are taking care of the things you
love to do. Choose happiness.
that they love their work and sometimes the Dads are stay at home dads. I’m not
saying any of those are wrong. If it works for your family go for it. But I’m
talking to the women who are afraid of embracing motherhood in any form. Or
have the wrong ideas of what it means to be a full time mom. If you are a
working mom, it’s got to be even more difficult. So don’t spend your time when
you are with your kids doing stuff you hate… write down the stuff you love and
enjoy and spend that special time doing that. If getting crafty and glue all
over the place is not your idea of a good time with your kids find something
that is. If you like sewing or baking… do that with your kids. If you just have
to have a clean house make it a game with your kids! If your strength is being a good listener, make sure you are doing that regularly. What ever your needs from
motherhood love it, embrace it and have fun with it. The other things that you
“have to do” will come a lot easier if you are taking care of the things you
love to do. Choose happiness.
I am about to have our third child, a little girl and we are
super excited! We even moved from our little town to one that has plenty of day
care options and I even went back to school two years ago when my youngest
started preschool. I graduated top of my class in graphic and web design. I’m
so excited to be getting to be a mom again and almost feel like this is a
second chance for me. Because of all the things I learned with my boys all
those years ago. I’m excited that this time around I am going to spend more
time enjoying my little girl and this special time in our lives and less time
trying to be the “perfect mother”. I am going to be my own version of a good
mom for her. And yes, I always knew that when I was done with school I would be
having another child, and no, it wasn’t a waste of time. I had the opportunity
to invest in myself and develop something I love to do. I also now have the
comfort of knowing that if there was anything to happen to my husband I have
the skills needed for a better job than a fast food joint. And that is a great
gift for my family and me. Plus I chose a degree in something I get to continue
to do at home and its great because I get to still do something I love plus be
there for my loved ones. I’m so grateful
for basically being forced to be a stay at home mom, and learning to love it.
And now that I’ve got to experience it all these years and seen what a
difference it has made for my family and myself I will always be a stay at home
mom even with my new degree and all the day cares available. For us this is
what works best, this is our happiness.
super excited! We even moved from our little town to one that has plenty of day
care options and I even went back to school two years ago when my youngest
started preschool. I graduated top of my class in graphic and web design. I’m
so excited to be getting to be a mom again and almost feel like this is a
second chance for me. Because of all the things I learned with my boys all
those years ago. I’m excited that this time around I am going to spend more
time enjoying my little girl and this special time in our lives and less time
trying to be the “perfect mother”. I am going to be my own version of a good
mom for her. And yes, I always knew that when I was done with school I would be
having another child, and no, it wasn’t a waste of time. I had the opportunity
to invest in myself and develop something I love to do. I also now have the
comfort of knowing that if there was anything to happen to my husband I have
the skills needed for a better job than a fast food joint. And that is a great
gift for my family and me. Plus I chose a degree in something I get to continue
to do at home and its great because I get to still do something I love plus be
there for my loved ones. I’m so grateful
for basically being forced to be a stay at home mom, and learning to love it.
And now that I’ve got to experience it all these years and seen what a
difference it has made for my family and myself I will always be a stay at home
mom even with my new degree and all the day cares available. For us this is
what works best, this is our happiness.
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