I know that life is hard
and not ideal and we all have to make sacrifices and adjustments–especially for our kids. I know that
some women can’t be full-time moms (even if they wanted to) and that some women
just don’t want to be full-time parents. And that’s just fine. But
I also know there are a lot of women out there like I was, who were either too
scared to be a full-time mom and don’t think they can do it or who feel
pressure to work outside the home because media and other influences tell them
that it is not a worthy or admirable pursuit in life. I can’t help but feel
like we, as a society, are scaring off and bullying wonderful potential
full-time moms with the harmful things we say and the ignorant ideas we promote
about being a full-time mom.
and not ideal and we all have to make sacrifices and adjustments–especially for our kids. I know that
some women can’t be full-time moms (even if they wanted to) and that some women
just don’t want to be full-time parents. And that’s just fine. But
I also know there are a lot of women out there like I was, who were either too
scared to be a full-time mom and don’t think they can do it or who feel
pressure to work outside the home because media and other influences tell them
that it is not a worthy or admirable pursuit in life. I can’t help but feel
like we, as a society, are scaring off and bullying wonderful potential
full-time moms with the harmful things we say and the ignorant ideas we promote
about being a full-time mom.
Raising and taking care of our children in a loving home is nothing to turn our
noses up at. We should encourage and teach our fellow women and young women
that they can be wonderful mothers one day if they want to be–just as much as we teach them and
encourage them to pursue any other amiable occupation. We can always
use more wonderful mothers in the world.
So here are the top five ways we, as a society, are scaring off
full-time moms and belittling their value.
full-time moms and belittling their value.
1. We don’t validate
motherhood as a possible dream job. This is one of my biggest complaints.
It seems to me that everywhere you look, you hear people talking about women
living their dreams and how they could be a doctor, a lawyer, or even the
President one day. But you never hear people in the media encouraging women
that they can be wonderful mothers one day if that is their dream (unless you
are in church). I think this attitude toward motherhood and to all young women
is so harmful. Young ladies should be able to feel comfortable to proclaim that
one day they want to be a wonderful full-time mom with the same amount of pride
that another young woman talks about being a doctor one day. Both careers are
equally worthy of praise and encouragement.
motherhood as a possible dream job. This is one of my biggest complaints.
It seems to me that everywhere you look, you hear people talking about women
living their dreams and how they could be a doctor, a lawyer, or even the
President one day. But you never hear people in the media encouraging women
that they can be wonderful mothers one day if that is their dream (unless you
are in church). I think this attitude toward motherhood and to all young women
is so harmful. Young ladies should be able to feel comfortable to proclaim that
one day they want to be a wonderful full-time mom with the same amount of pride
that another young woman talks about being a doctor one day. Both careers are
equally worthy of praise and encouragement.
2. We categorize
motherhood as the hardest job on earth. Any happy and healthy full-time mom
can tell you right now that the key to their fulfillment is letting go a little
bit and remembering to enjoy it. Being a
full-time mom is fun! I know the intention is to validate full-time moms more,
but we don’t have to do that by complaining so much and making motherhood out
to be harder than it really is. Yeah, there are hard times and stress, but
mostly it’s fun and wonderful. We forget to tell each other that. At
my job (as a full-time mom), there is always new and exciting things going on
and I get to play around a lot. My awesome co-workers and I are always finding
new things to make us laugh and to joke about. Sometimes we have relaxation
time and I even get to take a nap once in a while. Plus, the food is really
great at my workplace and we get snack time as well. We read. We paint. We
travel. We learn new things. Does that sound like the hardest job on earth? I
don’t think so. It can be the best job on earth if you let it. What’s wrong with labeling it that instead
of the hardest or the most thankless job on earth?
motherhood as the hardest job on earth. Any happy and healthy full-time mom
can tell you right now that the key to their fulfillment is letting go a little
bit and remembering to enjoy it. Being a
full-time mom is fun! I know the intention is to validate full-time moms more,
but we don’t have to do that by complaining so much and making motherhood out
to be harder than it really is. Yeah, there are hard times and stress, but
mostly it’s fun and wonderful. We forget to tell each other that. At
my job (as a full-time mom), there is always new and exciting things going on
and I get to play around a lot. My awesome co-workers and I are always finding
new things to make us laugh and to joke about. Sometimes we have relaxation
time and I even get to take a nap once in a while. Plus, the food is really
great at my workplace and we get snack time as well. We read. We paint. We
travel. We learn new things. Does that sound like the hardest job on earth? I
don’t think so. It can be the best job on earth if you let it. What’s wrong with labeling it that instead
of the hardest or the most thankless job on earth?
3. Being a full-time mom
means cleaning, cooking, and wiping butts all day. I don’t think so! Some women or men have
such nurturing/care-taking personalities and just love serving their family all
day, everyday. Good for them, but that is not me. And I’m here to tell you just because you are a little
lacking in those traits doesn’t mean you can’t be an awesome stay-at-home mom
in your own way. There is more than one way to be a great mom and a great
full-time mom at that. While there are some necessary things you have to do to
keep you and your child alive like feeding them and keeping your kid clean, you
should try to lean on your strengths and the activities you do enjoy as a mom.
If you are super social, go to mommy-and-me classes or make sure to do some
playdates. Do arts and crafts with your kids if that is where you find bits of
extra bliss. Play with your kids. Exercise with your kids. Be your own kind of
mom! These harmful old ideas of what a mom should be and do are dangerous.
means cleaning, cooking, and wiping butts all day. I don’t think so! Some women or men have
such nurturing/care-taking personalities and just love serving their family all
day, everyday. Good for them, but that is not me. And I’m here to tell you just because you are a little
lacking in those traits doesn’t mean you can’t be an awesome stay-at-home mom
in your own way. There is more than one way to be a great mom and a great
full-time mom at that. While there are some necessary things you have to do to
keep you and your child alive like feeding them and keeping your kid clean, you
should try to lean on your strengths and the activities you do enjoy as a mom.
If you are super social, go to mommy-and-me classes or make sure to do some
playdates. Do arts and crafts with your kids if that is where you find bits of
extra bliss. Play with your kids. Exercise with your kids. Be your own kind of
mom! These harmful old ideas of what a mom should be and do are dangerous.
4. Believing our family
needs more money than it really does. As parents, we want the best for our
kids and we want to set them up for success. It is a struggle for any parent to
choose work over their kids because the more they work, the more money there is
to give our kids those extra advantages in this world. But if we spend those
extra hours and days working, then we miss out on so much in our kids lives and
they miss out on all the things and lessons only we, as their parents, can
teach them along the way. Balancing these two ideas is so difficult. But I have
learned not only by my own mistakes, but also from collecting advice from other
parents who struggle with the same, that they have never regretted choosing to
spend more time with their kids over making more money for them. We should
arrange our lives in order to not only live within our means, but also in a way
where the things that matter most are not at the mercy of the things that
matter least. My hope is to encourage those parents who feel pressure to have
the bigger, nicer, or newer things in this world to know that all that stuff is
just fluff. There is no substitute for you in your kid’s life. I think it would be a shame for any
parent who wanted to be a full-time mom or dad to feel pressure to get a
“real job” just to supply their family with more “stuff.”
We can all happily and comfortably do without a lot more that we think.
needs more money than it really does. As parents, we want the best for our
kids and we want to set them up for success. It is a struggle for any parent to
choose work over their kids because the more they work, the more money there is
to give our kids those extra advantages in this world. But if we spend those
extra hours and days working, then we miss out on so much in our kids lives and
they miss out on all the things and lessons only we, as their parents, can
teach them along the way. Balancing these two ideas is so difficult. But I have
learned not only by my own mistakes, but also from collecting advice from other
parents who struggle with the same, that they have never regretted choosing to
spend more time with their kids over making more money for them. We should
arrange our lives in order to not only live within our means, but also in a way
where the things that matter most are not at the mercy of the things that
matter least. My hope is to encourage those parents who feel pressure to have
the bigger, nicer, or newer things in this world to know that all that stuff is
just fluff. There is no substitute for you in your kid’s life. I think it would be a shame for any
parent who wanted to be a full-time mom or dad to feel pressure to get a
“real job” just to supply their family with more “stuff.”
We can all happily and comfortably do without a lot more that we think.
5. Believing motherhood is
boring and a waste of education. I can’t tell you how many times I have
heard other women tell me that they just don’t know what they would do all day
being a full-time parent. That they would just go crazy and feel like their
brains were going to rot and melt out their heads. Not only is that incredibly
insulting and ignorant, but this idea of what we do all day is very warped and
a dangerous attitude towards women. I am always being challenged as a full-time
mom and I am always learning new things. In fact, becoming a mom has given me a
new appetite for learning and discovering. I see things so differently and I
love getting to see new things through my children’s eyes. I also went back to
school and got my degree while I had kids. I even do some side jobs at home
when I have the extra time. I am also at peace that if something where to ever
happen to my husband that I have an education to fall back on if I had to go to
work outside the home. Also, it’s not like I’m a full-time mom 24-7. My husband is
super hands-on with the kids and I enjoy going out with my friends weekly,
going on dates with my husband, and/or taking classes here and there. Just
because you’re a full-time mom doesn’t mean its actually full-time. That’s what baby sitters are for.
boring and a waste of education. I can’t tell you how many times I have
heard other women tell me that they just don’t know what they would do all day
being a full-time parent. That they would just go crazy and feel like their
brains were going to rot and melt out their heads. Not only is that incredibly
insulting and ignorant, but this idea of what we do all day is very warped and
a dangerous attitude towards women. I am always being challenged as a full-time
mom and I am always learning new things. In fact, becoming a mom has given me a
new appetite for learning and discovering. I see things so differently and I
love getting to see new things through my children’s eyes. I also went back to
school and got my degree while I had kids. I even do some side jobs at home
when I have the extra time. I am also at peace that if something where to ever
happen to my husband that I have an education to fall back on if I had to go to
work outside the home. Also, it’s not like I’m a full-time mom 24-7. My husband is
super hands-on with the kids and I enjoy going out with my friends weekly,
going on dates with my husband, and/or taking classes here and there. Just
because you’re a full-time mom doesn’t mean its actually full-time. That’s what baby sitters are for.
It’s all about balance
and discovering the joy in this beautiful period in our lives. Our children
grow up so fast and this is just one of the many seasons our heavenly father
has for us and he wants us to enjoy each one.
and discovering the joy in this beautiful period in our lives. Our children
grow up so fast and this is just one of the many seasons our heavenly father
has for us and he wants us to enjoy each one.
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