They always told me I had my mother’s eyes. And I would beam back
at them with a little girls pride and the undeniable knowledge that I knew I
had the most beautiful mother in the whole wide world. I couldn’t wait to grow
into my mother’s eyes and be as beautiful as her one day. I guess all little
girls think this of their mothers, and that’s just how it should be. She was
beautiful but my love for her and the love I felt from her made her the most
beautiful woman in the world to me.
at them with a little girls pride and the undeniable knowledge that I knew I
had the most beautiful mother in the whole wide world. I couldn’t wait to grow
into my mother’s eyes and be as beautiful as her one day. I guess all little
girls think this of their mothers, and that’s just how it should be. She was
beautiful but my love for her and the love I felt from her made her the most
beautiful woman in the world to me.
As I grew older I realized that there were many things different
about me than my mother. My hair was light and hers was dark brown, almost
black. She had pointy feminine facial features and my nose was getting larger
every day. And I remember the exact moment where I could no longersteal borrow her beautiful
shoes because my feet were bigger than hers at only fourteen years old. My once
slender girly figure started getting lumps and bumps in awkward places and
looked nothing like my mom’s lumps and bumps that men seemed to like and
notice. I was very disappointed in puberty. This is not at all what I had
planned.
about me than my mother. My hair was light and hers was dark brown, almost
black. She had pointy feminine facial features and my nose was getting larger
every day. And I remember the exact moment where I could no longer
shoes because my feet were bigger than hers at only fourteen years old. My once
slender girly figure started getting lumps and bumps in awkward places and
looked nothing like my mom’s lumps and bumps that men seemed to like and
notice. I was very disappointed in puberty. This is not at all what I had
planned.
But eventually sixteen came around and I started to form into a
more recognizable womanly figure instead of a jolly oaf of a giant. The chubby
rolls started forming into more socially acceptable places, to my delight, and
I grew more comfortable in my five foot ten frame. I liked being sixteen-year-old
me and it started to be okay that I hadn’t grown into being my mother… after
all I still had her eyes and that was my favorite part about her anyways
(besides her hugs that is).
more recognizable womanly figure instead of a jolly oaf of a giant. The chubby
rolls started forming into more socially acceptable places, to my delight, and
I grew more comfortable in my five foot ten frame. I liked being sixteen-year-old
me and it started to be okay that I hadn’t grown into being my mother… after
all I still had her eyes and that was my favorite part about her anyways
(besides her hugs that is).
 |
| (I took this photo of my mother when I was 16, that kiss on her face is my kiss) |
It would be nice to stop this story here wouldn’t it? I think so.
This could just be a story about self-acceptance and growing in to one’s
self…but it isn’t. This is a story about mercy in unexpected places.
This could just be a story about self-acceptance and growing in to one’s
self…but it isn’t. This is a story about mercy in unexpected places.
Not long after I finally arrived in life and got to be sixteen
years old and just when the world seemed as if it started to come together for
me, my world was then quickly shattered. I was on the verge of having my first
date, my first boyfriend and I was going to go to my first prom in the dress my
mother and I picked out together. Then she died. My mother, a single parent
with the best hugs in the whole world died, and took her beautiful eyes with
her.
years old and just when the world seemed as if it started to come together for
me, my world was then quickly shattered. I was on the verge of having my first
date, my first boyfriend and I was going to go to my first prom in the dress my
mother and I picked out together. Then she died. My mother, a single parent
with the best hugs in the whole world died, and took her beautiful eyes with
her.
I am going to be 35 years old this year. Just three years younger
than my mom when she died tragically. I knew a day would come, if I was lucky
enough, that I would grow older than her on this earth. I have been hoping and
preparing to out age her and I am okay with that. What I was unprepared for was
seeing a picture of myself last week and seeing my mother’s exact same eyes
looking back at me. They always said I had her eyes but they were always
younger smaller fresher versions of the eyes that looked back at me so lovingly
throughout my childhood. But now I truly have her eyes. The hairline wrinkles
starting to form from all the moments of laughter, the slight drooping of the
eyelids from years of life and gravity. I have grown into my mother’s eyes and
she once again looks back at me, but this time through the mirror. It is both
haunting and a small gift of mercy and love. I have missed her so much. I have
missed her hugs. I have missed her face and I have missed her eyes.
than my mom when she died tragically. I knew a day would come, if I was lucky
enough, that I would grow older than her on this earth. I have been hoping and
preparing to out age her and I am okay with that. What I was unprepared for was
seeing a picture of myself last week and seeing my mother’s exact same eyes
looking back at me. They always said I had her eyes but they were always
younger smaller fresher versions of the eyes that looked back at me so lovingly
throughout my childhood. But now I truly have her eyes. The hairline wrinkles
starting to form from all the moments of laughter, the slight drooping of the
eyelids from years of life and gravity. I have grown into my mother’s eyes and
she once again looks back at me, but this time through the mirror. It is both
haunting and a small gift of mercy and love. I have missed her so much. I have
missed her hugs. I have missed her face and I have missed her eyes.
Lately I sometimes catch myself just staring into the mirror at
these old familiar eyes. It’s been almost 20 years since she has passed and
almost all the pieces of her life have faded away… then I wake up one day
with the same eyes she had when I knew her last. And it’s like something new I
get to have with her again. I can see my mom being very amused up in
heaven right now thinking she is so clever and all giving me these old eyes of
her. Very funny mom!
these old familiar eyes. It’s been almost 20 years since she has passed and
almost all the pieces of her life have faded away… then I wake up one day
with the same eyes she had when I knew her last. And it’s like something new I
get to have with her again. I can see my mom being very amused up in
heaven right now thinking she is so clever and all giving me these old eyes of
her. Very funny mom!
I am going to enjoy these old eyes for now. These eyes will only
be hers for a little while more and then they will return to being mine as I
collect more wrinkles upon them then she ever will… if I am lucky
enough.
be hers for a little while more and then they will return to being mine as I
collect more wrinkles upon them then she ever will… if I am lucky
enough.
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